I Used to Show Up for Approval

I used to show up for approval.

Even my “successes” needed witnesses—so I could feel sure they were real. Words of affirmation became a way to validate what I hadn’t fully grounded in myself.

If I did something good, I wanted people to know—so we could both confirm it was good.

It felt like awareness… but it was actually dependence.

A subtle form of seeking validation through visibility.

When I started doing 100 squats a day, it didn’t begin as discipline. It began as curiosity.

Just “why not.”

At first, I still wanted to tell people. Not necessarily to invite them in—but to make it known. To make it real through external confirmation.

That was the shift I thought mattered.

From silence → sharing.
From private → public.

But I eventually realized that wasn’t the deepest shift.

The real shift came later.

I stopped needing to announce it.

I don’t tell people I breathe today. I just breathe.

That became the difference.

What used to need validation now just exists as part of who I am.

Somewhere in that process, I also started noticing something deeper about how I used words of affirmation.

I used them not just to receive encouragement—but to delay my own inner voice from becoming strong enough to stand alone.

If I could get enough external affirmation, I didn’t have to fully trust my internal one.

So I stayed in a cycle where I created, I shared, I received affirmation, and then reset the cycle again.

It felt like connection, but it also kept me dependent.

Now I’m learning something different.

Consistency is not for approval.
Discipline is not for validation.
Growth is not for audience reaction.

It is for alignment.

When I began blogging, I thought I was sharing my growth outwardly.

Now I see it differently.

I am documenting my becoming—but not for confirmation.

I am sharing it for those who can receive it, reflect on it, and apply it if it serves them.

And if it doesn’t grow an audience, that does not diminish its value.

Because I have already lived it.

And that lived experience is enough.

This is where scripture brings clarity for me.

In Galatians 1:10, it says:

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

That verse reminds me that approval is not the foundation of my calling—alignment is.

I no longer need to perform my growth to prove it exists.

I am learning to let it exist without being witnessed.

And that is where something in me feels settled.

Where am I still seeking approval in places I’ve already grown past?

And what would it look like to trust my own voice without external confirmation?

I’m no longer building my life to be seen.

I’m building it to be lived.

And if it is seen, let it be because it served—not because it needed approval to exist.

 

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This is a space for becoming, not performing—and you’re always welcome here.